shaken

this is not a travel post. but i’m writing about the incident anyway to rid myself of the bad feeling.

early this morning, i flagged down a taxi from tamiya to take me to our office in banilad. had idle chitchat with the driver while we were listening to a local radio. the radio host was interviewing one mr. mitra who was running for the senate [i think] in the coming may elections. then all of a sudden, i heard a loud crashing sound from behind and front of the cab i was in. i was also thrown a bit forward and hit my forehead on the upper part of the car’s dashboard. all i could remember was me touching my forehead and shouting expletives…. hehe, wrong… i only managed to keep saying “shit!” while i massaged my head. a bit dazed from the sudden bump, i looked back and saw the 23D lapu-lapu jeepney behind the cab. because we were rear-ended, we naturally bumped the taxi in front of us. naturally, the driver of the cab i was in got out of the car to assess the damage done to his car. i followed suit. no, i didn’t remain at the scene of the accident. i merely got out of the car, and proceeded to walk towards UCLM to find myself another taxi. it was weird. the experience. i walked dazed, barely holding back the tears forming in my eyes. luckily, i immediately found a cab and as soon as i settled in the passenger’s seat, i burst out crying. i cried because the incident happened too fast. i couldn’t hold back the tears and so the new cab driver asked what happened to me. i explained to him about the accident at the old bridge and my walking out of it. i wasn’t harmed or anything. just a bit shaken, thus, asked to be allowed to cry. anyway, i’m thankful that no serious injury happened to either me or the driver. as i was crying, i remembered the messages i sent to my go-to-person. i told him that i will try my best to let go of him. though hard as it might be for me to do, i will try my darnest so he won’t be bothered by me anymore whenever i’m in a dark place or when i’m in my analytical/realization mode. i’d find a way to accomplish it, i said. i told him, eventually he’ll be able to be rid of me for good.

when i sent those messages, i didn’t mean dying. haha, i won’t be rid that easily. kidding aside, i got scared because it might be the universe’s way of telling me that i shouldn’t really be jumping to conclusions or i just might get what i wish for. i want to get rid of the emotions attached to loving the person too much, but i don’t want to accomplish it by actually perishing from the face of the earth.

well, i’m still a bit shaken even three hours have passed since the accident. i don’t know why. i’ve looked up head injuries and based on the symptoms listed, i’ve nothing to worry about. i only have a slight headache, really slight. so no concussions whatsoever. i’d like to go to the doc and be certain, but it’ll be money down the drain. i don’t have much resources these days..so i’ll just monitor myself, closely. perhaps, i might just go watch tonight’s basketball game just so i won’t fall asleep early. haha, i’m scared to fall asleep as something might happen. i’ll try to stay awake as much as i can in the next 48 hours just to make sure i don’t suddenly develop symptoms of head injury. yeah, i’m paranoid this way.